La Tua Cantante
by Ephemeralityx
Summary: Right after Edward leaves, Bella gets into a car crash. She has amnesia and does not remember anyone at all; not her family, not her friends, and not even her soul mate. Will Edward continue to stay away and let her live a normal life as he wanted her to?
1. Epigraph & Preface

**Summary:** Right after Edward leaves, Bella gets into a car crash. She has amnesia and does not remember anyone at all; not her family, not her friends, and not even her soul mate. Will Edward continue to stay away and let her live a normal life as he wanted her to? And what can Bella do after she remembers?

**Author's note: **This story takes place around the beginning of New Moon and will slowly weave itself into Eclipse. Some scenes are based upon the novel but the small plot twist is my own. The Twilight series belong to Stephenie Meyer. _No copyright infringement intended._  
Enjoy. :)

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"Oh, how cruelly sweet are the echoes that start when memory plays an old tune on the heart!"  
- Eliza Cook

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**Preface**

I felt myself being pulled under, the water beating at me from different directions, throwing me in one direction and then quickly another. But I didn't try to fight it. It was all clear to me now—the numbing pain that coursed through me whenever I thought about it—the reason why a sudden emptiness seeped into my heart every time I was alone. It was because of _him_.

At this very moment I realized what I've been missing for so long. Why hadn't it occurred to me before?

Water rushed into my lungs as the torrents clawed at me, trying to drag me farther down into their cold abyss.

A voice told me to fight it, to hang on. But all I did was smile. It was in this arctic deathbed that I realized there was a greater love. One that could not compare to what I have now. Knowing this, how could I possibly let go?

More water rushed down my throat and I felt myself losing consciousness, but it didn't matter. I just wanted to hear this angel's sweet voice and stare in awe at his flawless face.

Who knew death could be this sweet?


	2. Chapter 1: Ultimatum

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! How was your Valentine's Day? Thank you to those who reviewed last chapter! I really appreciate the support and interest in my fanfic.  
A little bit about this chapter – the beginning is mostly a recap of Edward's goodbye in New Moon. A few things were altered, but not much change until the middle of this chapter. I hope it won't be too boring for you guys! I also used a few quotes from New Moon, you'd probably notice, haha. Credits to Stephenie Meyer, the brilliant author of this series. (I cannot wait until Breaking Dawn!)  
And without further ado, here's chapter 1! Enjoy

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**Chapter 1: Ultimatum**

I woke up with a start, my forehead coated with a layer of sweat. It was the same nightmare again. Not the nightmares where things jumped out at you or where someone ran after you with knives. There was nothing. Only nothing.

I squinted to search around my room, trying to find any trace of him at all. But Edward wasn't here. He hadn't visited me ever since that incident with Jasper. I lied back down and stared at the ceiling. About three days ago when Jasper tried to attack me, the atmosphere had become very tense. Edward always seemed to be deep in thought and he rarely smiled. Maybe the corners of his lips would lift themselves up from time to time, but it was never a true smile. The smile never reached his eyes. And the less I saw him, the more often the nightmares occurred.

It was the same at school. He held my hand and walked me to class, but it was as if he wasn't really there. Whenever I tried to talk to him, he would try to talk to someone else – people he usually didn't even acknowledge. His hands were extremely cold – colder than they've ever felt. My insides started to twist in knots. It was that nervous feeling I get whenever something bad will happen; that sense of impending doom.

I drove him to the forest after school. Edward and I really needed to talk. We walked farther into the forest, not saying anything to each other. As I tried to put what I wanted to say into a coherent sentence he spoke.

"Bella, we're leaving."

Was this what he's been thinking about? He explained that we couldn't stay in Forks forever. It wasn't until a minute later that I realized I had misunderstood. When he mentioned _we_, he really meant him and his family. I wasn't part of the plan.

Everything he said after that was a blur to me. It felt as if I was in a bubble. I could hear the sound of his voice, but I didn't really hear the words. He didn't want me to be a part of his life. He didn't want me. It all dawned on me now. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, it was still the cold hard truth. I was human and he was a vampire. There was nothing special about me that could hold him. I have done nothing to deserve him. It never made sense for him to love me anyway. I always knew that.

"If that's what you want," I manage to choke out, the tears pricking at my eyes. He held me then, hugged me tight to his chest as he ordered me not to do anything reckless.

And then he promised me something in exchange. He promised not to return, that he would never cause this type of pain again.

"It will be as if I'd never existed." The phrase rang through my ears, causing my whole body to grow numb.

"Goodbye, Bella. Take care of yourself," he whispered.

And he was gone. Love, life, meaning…all gone.

I stumbled back against a tree, leaning against it for support. The hot tears that were previously threatening to spill were now freely streaming down my cheeks. I cradled my head between my knees, squeezing the tears out, trying to will this sorrow out of my system. But it didn't work. He brought light into the dark, gloomy town of Forks. I was actually happy with the rain – because it meant I would be able to see him. Now that he's gone, everything seemed meaningless. When he disappeared, he took my soul with him. The feeling of being whole, of being alive…gone.

By the time I looked up, the sky was dark. My eyes were still moist with tears and I felt incredibly weak. _Charlie needs you. Take care of yourself—for him_. My mind repeated what he said perfectly; his tone was icy and distant, foreign to my ears.

For Charlie, I pushed myself up. It started raining, but I continued to stumble my way out of the trees and into my car. With shaky hands, I thrust the keys into the ignition and stomped on the gas pedal, taking my old truck to its maximum speed. Huge raindrops splashed onto the windshield as I made my way back home, tears still running down my face. It was no use. I couldn't let go no matter how hard I tried.

A clap of thunder sounded through the pitter patter of rain and then a flash of lightning lit the overcast sky, but it left as quickly as it had come.

The rain was falling harder now, each drop beating against the truck like resounding drums. It was hard seeing through the rain and my tears, but I kept driving.

Maybe it was a defense mechanism or something, maybe my subconscious telling me to get away. I drove as fast as I could, trying to leave the painful memory behind. _It will be as if I'd never existed_. Those words cut deep into me like a knife. Another flash of lightning lit the sky and my truck continued its way down the dark, wet road.

Flashes of him came back to me—the first time he smiled at me, our dinner in Port Angeles, the way his skin shimmered in the meadow, how he fought to protect me from James, all those times he snuck into my room at night—all the times we've spent together; all the memories we've shared. Fresh tears trailed down my face.

I suddenly hit the brakes and quickly steered to the right. All of this happened in a flurry. I had no time to react. In an attempt to avoid a falling tree, I lost control of my truck and swerved off the road. Images of Tyler's car skidding dangerously toward me during the snowfall in my first week of Forks flit through my mind. Edward had been there to save me last time. He protected me.

Everything was set into slow-motion as my car skid down the hill. Oddly, I was a bit hopeful as this happened. All I could think about was Edward._He'll come save me_, I thought. Just like last time.

I heard the sharp breaking of glass as the truck plummeted down the hill. It rolled over a few times before crashing into a tree, smashing the car door against me. And I knew it was over. Like the glass windows, my hope had shattered into thousands of tiny pieces, ripping me, leaving me bleeding inside and out. Edward didn't save me this time. He really left.

I looked through half closed eyes at the damage around me – the truck was crumpled up, not even giving me enough leg space, and branches crawled through the smashed windows. Rain still beat against the warped vehicle, sending moisture and waves of cold wind into my face. Blood was everywhere. I can feel it running down my head, legs and arms – my whole body. It was _everywhere_. The smell was nauseating; I couldn't stand it.

Another hot liquid was running down my face, but it wasn't blood – it was tears. I took in a raggedy breath and choked down the pain. Maybe after a little while I won't have to feel anymore pain. Maybe I won't have to deal with the fact that Edward doesn't love me anymore.

I closed my tired eyes and let my body succumb to the numbing pain. It will be… _as if he'd never existed_.


	3. Chapter 2: Waking

**Chapter 2: Waking**

Edward telling me to take care of myself…  
Edward telling me he'll disappear…  
Edward telling me that _it'll be as if he'd never existed..._  
Edward walking away…

I try to run after him, but no matter how fast I ran, he was always far ahead of me. Always beyond my reach. _Edward, don't go._

I opened my eyes, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness. _It was a dream_, I thought in relief. Edward wouldn't leave me. He said he loved me.

And then I started hearing voices. People calling to each other in swift tones, but one voice in particular stood out from the rest.

"Bella?" he asked worriedly. "Bella, you're going to be alright, don't worry. The doctors will take care of you. Hang in there Bells."

I was confused. What's happening?

"I can't believe this happened," he said to the person next to him. "Where's that Cullen kid? I trusted her with him."

And then it came to me. I wasn't at home and what happened wasn't a dream. I was on some type of portable bed and those people in white robes were rolling me off someplace.

I began to panic. "Edward! Where is Edward?" I cried out as I tried to get up. I pulled at all the wires that were attached to me and tried to push those people aside. I quickly regret my actions as I felt sudden jolts of pain soar through my body. But I wanted to know where my Edward was. The people tried to push me back down, telling me to calm down. "Where is Edward?!" I kept calling out, turning my head around to look for him. I ran a hand through my hair, confused that no one was answering my question. I felt something wet and brought my hand to my face. Blood.

Right that instant, the room started spinning. Edward really left.

The previous events came back to me in flashes. Edward telling me he was leaving, that he'll never come back. And then the truck flying off the road and hitting a tree. Tears rushed down my cheeks.

"Edward left me," I sobbed. The people surrounding didn't know what to say, they kept running, trying to rush me somewhere.

"Edward's gone! He left me!" I started thrashing around. The physical pain was nothing compared to what my heart was going through now. I heard a beeping sound accelerating. It beeped faster and faster as I cried my heart out.

"He's gone!" I cried one last time and fell back down onto the pillow. In a matter of seconds, the room grew dark and I felt a sharp pain in my chest, as if my heart was crushed into nothing. My head started throbbing and I cried in pain.

Then everything stopped. I heard a long flat beep and fell into darkness.

xxxxx

_Nothing._

_Nothing but nothing._

Where am I?

I hear a faint velvet voice repeating itself over and over again.

_It will be as if I'd never existed…  
It will be as if I'd never existed…  
It will be as if I'd never existed…_

_Who are you?_ I ask. But it was always the same phrase.

_It will be as if I'd never existed…_

And so I stayed here. My nothingness.

xxxxx

I was still half asleep, maybe more. But I heard a voice. No – I heard two voices. They weren't like the velvet voice from before. These were different. One spoke in a worried, hushed tone, while the other answered firmly.

"Doctor, will she survive?" the first voice asked shakily.

"Yes, she will survive, but I'm not entirely sure when she'll come into consciousness," the second voice answered sympathetically. "We almost lost her back there. She suffered severe brain damage. We did an MRI and luckily she does not have subarachnoid haemorrhage."

"What is that?" the first voice asked.

"It's bleeding between the brain and skull. It can lead to death or severe disability. The average survival of a patient with subarachnoid haemorrhage is only 50, 10-15 die even before they reach the hospital."

None of this made sense to me, but I continued to listen.

"As you can see, her body has suffered many cuts from the broken glass. We've put stitches on the more severe ones and they will be removed once the area is healed. She lost a lot of blood and we've given her some blood transfusions. Her right arm is broken, she has 3 broken ribs and both of her legs are fractured. It will take a large amount of time for her body to heal. And once her bones have healed, she will require physical therapy to strengthen them, along with her muscles and joints."

There was a pause. I felt myself slowly drifting back into my nothingness. The voices seemed like soft murmurs now.

"Chief Swan, your daughter's medial temporal lobes and hippocampus has suffered damage. This can cause retrograde amnesia. Once she wakes up, she may not recall anything that happened to her within the last 24 hours or even within the past few years. Retrograde amnesia may also be accompanied by anterograde amnesia, in which she will not remember events right after they happen. She may ask you questions you've already answered. Although this is not guaranteed to happen, I want you to be prepared.

"I know this is a lot to take in, but she needs your absolute support. Sometimes recovery takes a few days and sometimes it takes years. Once she wakes up, we'll check her condition. We'll do a neuropsychological examination to fully determine the scope of her problems.

"Stay strong, Chief Swan."

There was an opening and closing of a door. I can faintly make out the sound of footsteps approaching me. A warm hand brushed my forehead gently.

"Bells, what am I going to do with you?" The voice sounded lost and defeated.

A soft, steady beeping sounded from the distance, lulling me into a dreamless sleep.

xxxxx

"Do you know who this is?" the psychologist asked as he pointed his hand towards the man standing beside him. The man looked like he was in his 40s. He had a friendly face and his eyes looked warm. But I didn't know who he was. I shook my head.

"Do you know where you live?"

"I live in Phoenix, Arizona with my mother." I blinked in confusion as the man's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Do you know the name of your mother?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. They both stared at me, patiently waiting for an answer. "No," I mumbled softly.

And so that's how it went for many, many hours. Before the tests, they told me that I was in a car accident and along with many physical injuries, my brain also suffered damage. The psychologist explained that the tests were needed to check the extent of my brain injury. I did what I was told.

I was on my hospital bed when all these tests were done. I was wrapped up in too many bandages and in too many casts to move. The doctors had given me a lot of morphine to ease the pain.

"Does the name Edward Cullen sound familiar?"

I felt something gnawing at my insides and I can hear the once steady beeping accelerate. I felt something trying to resurface but I pushed it back. I squeezed my eyes tight and willed it to go away. After a few minutes, everything was back to normal.

"No, that name doesn't sound familiar."

xxxxx

"Are you my father?" I asked the man after the psychologist had left to analyze the data. I felt bad for asking. Felt bad for not remembering.

He nodded. He went into explaining that I don't live in Phoenix, Arizona anymore. He told me that I moved into Forks, Washington last year to live with him. He also filled me in on things such as school and friends.

He asked me if I remembered how I got into the accident. I shook my head.

"Was Ed-" he stopped himself. I blinked in confusion.

"Are you my father?" I asked after a brief period of silence. He stared at me with wide eyes before nodding. What had just happened?

My father left the room to speak with the psychologist. I don't know when and how long I've fallen asleep, but when I opened my eyes, I saw a boy with beautiful russet-colored skin. He had dark eyes and he flashed me an incandescent smile upon seeing that I was awake.

"Hi," he said in a friendly voice. "My name is Jacob Black."

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**Author's Note:** So how was this chapter? Sure, I am using amnesia as a plot device, but I also did many hours of research in order to make it as accurate as possible. Some things lacked in-depth explaining, like the medial temporal lobes. Other things could've happened if one had injuries to their medial temporal lobes, but I just wanted to focus on the amnesia part. Amnesia's really interesting - like the way the brain works and how it can store memories.. and how sometimes defense mechanisms enable the brain to forget painful memories. Well.. I guess you know what's in store for the next chapter now, haha. 

Bella's full prognosis will be revealed next chapter. The story's going as planned for now. And as for updating, I'll _try_ to get a chapter out once a week. **Thanks for reading!**

**Sources concerning amnesia:**  
Wikipedia  
Lecture 3.2 from ECU  
MayoClinic  
revolutionhealth


	4. Chapter 3: Visitors

**Author'****s Note:** Quickest update ever! Thank you guys for the reviews! I felt so happy and inspired. I've never really believed people when they said that receiving reviews inspired them - up until two days ago. Yeah, I'm a novice, everything is new to me, lol. So here's the fast update for chapter 3! Enjoy.

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**Chapter 3: Visitors**

"We met back in March when you and a group of friends hung out at First Beach," he explained.

I was lying on my hospital bed examining this Jacob Black. He had long, silky black hair and it was pulled into a ponytail. He looked about fourteen or fifteen and he had a hint of childish roundness to his chin.

He told me that his dad, Billy was my father's good friend. They went fishing together very often. Jacob said that Billy was here earlier as well, while I was asleep. He and my father went out to get something to eat.

"We walked along the beach and you asked me to tell you some Quileute legends. You seemed really interested about the story of the 'cold ones.'" Something about what he said bothered me. I didn't want to question him about the "cold ones" — about what they were. Something inside me told me I didn't want to know.

"You don't remember any of it, do you?" he asked, assuming that my silence meant I was trying to remember, not that I was trying to push away the thought. I gave him a weak no. He didn't seem bothered or surprised by my answer and continued on; filling me in on those times we saw each other.

"I saw you again at prom," he looked down and I could see the smallest hint of a blush on his cheeks.

"Did you uh… take me to prom?" I asked hesitantly.

He shook his head slightly. "No, no I didn't. That Cullen guy took you." He said that name with a bit of contempt.

Then I saw something blurry from the distance. Me in crutches and a blue dress… I concentrated harder to grasp onto the memory, to try to get more out of it. It was a deep blue dress, frilly and off the shoulders. One foot was encased in plaster while the other had on a stiletto heel, held on by satin ribbons. I could only see myself. Everything and everyone else was blurry. I knew that there were many people and there seemed to be music playing in the background. But that was it. I didn't know who those people were. I heard soft whispers next to my ear and lips caressing my neck.

"_Mostly I dream about being with you forever."_

And right that instant, the memory shattered, dragged away from me. My eyes snapped open and I could hear the erratic beating of the machine. I took in deep breaths to calm myself down, trying to will this subtle aching away.

"Bella? Bella, what's the matter?" The voice was clearer now. It was Jacob. His eyebrows were furrowed with worry. "Did you remember something?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I saw myself in a dress. There were lots of people… and there was music…" I tried recalling what I've seen. It wasn't as clear as the first time I saw it though. "That's it," I lied. For some reason, I didn't feel like discussing the whispers or the soft kisses that sent involuntary shivers up and down my spine. It was almost painful trying to remember it. And the voice… the one right before the memory faded — it was mine. My body was cold and I could feel myself shivering. And all the while, I felt something strange gnawing at my heart.

I was so rapt in my thoughts. I hadn't realized Jacob was still in the room until he placed a hand over mine. His hand was warm.

"It'll be okay," he said softly, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. "Just take it slowly. It'll come back to you."

I wasn't sure if he was just trying to comfort me or if that was the truth. Either way, I believed him. I felt warm and safe looking into his dark, innocent eyes.

Jacob continued telling me things, like how Sam Uley was the one who found me at the bottom of the hill in my truck. He and Charlie brought me to the hospital.

"Charlie said it was pretty gruesome. You were all covered in blood and had a lot of glass cut into your skin." I winced at the mental image he was creating. Jacob noticed and changed the subject.

He talked about the car he was building. He called it the Rabbit. I was amazed that he knew how to build cars. Jacob also talked about his friends, Quil and Embry.

I learned a lot about him in those short hours. I talked along, trying to be conversational. Although most of the time I just said "I see," he didn't seem to mind. I don't remember ever coming to this town of Forks or ever going to this First Beach he told me about. I knew nothing about La Push, where he and his friends lived. Everything was all new to me. But he didn't seem bothered by this at all. While he talked, he held onto my hand. He never let go since he held onto it. I didn't mind. It was warm. It felt nice.

A group of people came to visit me later on that day. Jacob was still here when they arrived. One of them was petite and she had curly brown hair. Another girl was amazingly tall and she also had brown hair. She held hands with a boy who was a bit shorter than her. He had jet black hair.

I felt overwhelmed by the number of people in the room. Seeing so many new faces made me feel nervous and self-conscious. There were a total of six new visitors. Another one of the boys was very tall. I'd say he was about six feet three. He had hair that looked very greasy and had a poor complexion. The one who stood next to him was only a bit shorter than he was. This boy had brown hair, but the thing different about him was that he was darker. He was tanner than the other visitors. And the final one had his pale blond hair gelled into a carefully casual disarray. His face was slim and it made his cheekbones look more prominent; this made him look a bit older than the rest.

"Oh, Bella! You look horrible!" the girl with the curly hair cried, her eyes brimming with tears. "How could this have happened to you?!"

"Are you feeling comfortable? Can I get you anything?" the second girl said gently. Her voice was calm and her brown eyes looked very kind. I shook my head at her.

And afterwards, they reintroduced themselves one by one.

The girl with the curly hair was very talkative and she introduced herself as Jessica Stanley. We have math class together.

"My name is Angela Weber. I hope you feel better Bella," said the girl with the warm brown eyes.

The tallest boy said his name was Eric Yorkie. The one with tanned skin was Tyler Crowley and he said something about almost hitting me with his car last year. Everyone looked at him cautiously after he said that. It seemed like I was missing something here.

The boy with the pale blond hair was Mike Newton. "I brought some flowers for you," he said. He handed them to me but seeing as I had trouble reaching for them, Jacob took them and placed them on the table beside me. I smiled at Jacob and thanked Mike for his generosity.

The six of them stood around my bed, telling me the things that were happening at school. Jessica filled me in on the latest gossip. I wasn't really listening. I didn't remember any of the names they mentioned anyway.

"I wonder where Ed—" Mike elbowed Jessica before she could finish. "What?" she asked, looking baffled, and then suddenly something seemed to have dawned on her. "Oh," she said quietly. I think a part of me knew what she wanted to say. What everyone avoided talking about — the reason why my heart involuntarily ached. I stared at the ceiling. I found a small crack at one of the corners and concentrated on it, taking in slow, steady breaths.

I don't know how long I stared at that crack, but at some point, something warm squeezed my hand.

"It's okay." Upon hearing his voice, my body relaxed and I could feel my heart slowing down. The room was empty now. My visitors had left. It was only Jacob and me again. We didn't speak, but it was a comfortable silence. And I think he knew this too because he was smiling again. I smiled with him. It was contagious.

Not soon afterwards, three people came into the room. I sighed, worried that they were new visitors again. But only one of them was new. He was an old man in a wheelchair. The other two were Charlie and the doctor. They walked to the end of my bed.

"Bella, it's good to see that you're awake. I hope you're feeling better," the man in the wheelchair said. "Jacob, let's go home. I think the doctor has something to discuss with Charlie and Bella." He must be Billy, Jacob's dad.

"I'll come visit you tomorrow," Jacob said softly and got up. He exited the room with Billy and closed the door.

"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked. I told him that my body was sore all over and that if I moved, I would feel sharp pains. He explained that it was normal because I had many critical injuries. He said he would give me more pain medications after he was done talking to me. He asked me if any memories resurfaced, and I told him about the earlier incident. I described it to him to the best of my ability. He nodded and jotted things down onto his notepad.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about your condition today," the doctor said. Charlie was now standing awkwardly beside me.

"As I've explained to your father before, you have retrograde and anterograde amnesia. Retrograde amnesia is when you don't remember things prior to the onset of amnesia. It seems that you don't remember your past year in this town. So you think you still live in Phoenix with your mother.

"In your case of anterograde amnesia, you retain your procedural memory, the long-term memory of skills and how to do things such as answer the phone or cook. But you lose your declarative memory, the aspect of human memory that stores facts. So you may not remember who visited you or who talked to you, like yesterday when you asked if Charlie was your father twice." I felt a stab of guilt at this revelation. It must have hurt him.

"And the psychologist discovered one more thing. You also have dissociative amnesia."

"What is that?" I asked. Was it even possible to have so many types of amnesia?

As if he read my mind, he said, "Retrograde and anterograde amnesia are normal with the amount of damage the hippocampus, located in the medial temporal lobes had suffered.

"Dissosiative amnesia, however, is a bit different. Dissosiative amnesia is due to psychological rather than physiological causes. It's caused by overwhelming stress or traumatic events a person has experienced."

I looked at Charlie and he seemed angry. The doctor continued.

"It's different from simple amnesia. The memories are not lost; they're simply buried deep within the brain. The memories might resurface on their own or triggered by relevant events."

"Will I ever remember everything again?" I looked down at my hands.

"Amnesia's different with different people. Sometimes memories come back slowly with time." He paused. "Sometimes certain memories don't resurface at all."

"Is there anything I can do to help her?" Charlie asked anxiously. I awaited the answer, almost as anxious as he was.

"Bella's brain will take a few months to recover. During that healing process, some memories will come back to her. However, as for the repressed memories, psychotherapy would be helpful. It uses psychological techniques to encourage communication of conflicts, so the problem can be discussed and solved.

"Sometimes the buried memories involuntarily resurface. If they do, Bella, you shouldn't try to push them away. Talk to Charlie, a doctor or a nurse about them. It's best to retrieve the memories so they won't cause long-term stress or internal conflicts."

This was a lot to take in. There seemed to be a heavy weight on my shoulders as he finished talking. My head was hurting and I felt incredibly sleepy. After they left, I drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

It was the same nothingness that greeted me, but it felt different this time. It wasn't that empty and lonely feeling. I felt as if someone was here with me.

For some reason, my body was growing warmer by the second. My body tensed up, not used to the growing heat. I was mostly asleep, but a part of me was still awake. I felt restless and uncomfortable.

And then suddenly, something cold caressed my cheek. I know there was something cold beside me; I could feel the coolness next to my body. I concentrated on it and I felt the heat slowly subsiding.

As I relaxed, I started drifting further into sleep. Something cold touched my forehead, it was very gentle. I knew I was not far from complete darkness. My body was too tired.

A melody. A soft humming.

A heartbreakingly beautiful lullaby sounded from the distance, fading slowly as my senses shut down. As I surrendered to the Sandman's magic, I felt a sense of peace. But somewhere deep within me, I felt a bit of pain too.

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**Author's Note:** Like how this chapter ended? **-smile-** There was _much_ dialogue in this chapter. I hope it wasn't too boring... when I write dialogue, they tend to slump to the boring side. I edited many times and this was the best I could come up with, so forgive me!The italicized quote in the middle of the chapter was from the epilogue of Twilight where Edward and Bella were at prom. And the last thing about the Sandman - he's the man in folklore that puts sand in children's eyes so they'll fall asleep. I don't really know where the idea came from. Pretty corny, haha. 

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter. I'll see you in chapter 4!


	5. Chapter 4: Lie

**Author'****s Note:** Ugh. Dialogue is _unavoidable!_ I kept my one chapter a week promise though. :D

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**Chapter 4: Lie**

I felt very cold. I wrapped the blanket closer around me in hopes that it'd calm my shivering. I felt content for awhile but then it got too hot. As I pushed the blanket away, I was cold again. It was the same process over and over again. I'd be cold one minute and hot the next.

"You have a fever," the doctor said after he looked at the thermometer. I groaned inwardly and snuggled farther into my blanket. "I'll have a nurse give you some fever reducing medication along with pain relievers. Get a lot of rest and drink plenty of water. Give the button a push if you need anything." He signaled to the red button beside my bed and I nodded. The action made me dizzy. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I opened my eyes to the same white walls. Extreme lethargy overwhelmed my body and it ached all over. I glanced over at the table beside my bed and saw a glass of water. I tried to reach for it, but before I even touched it, a hand picked it up and handed it to me. Weird, I hadn't noticed that someone was in the room with me.

I gladly took the glass of water and examined this new person. He had untidy bronze hair and amazingly pale skin. He looked even paler than me.

But what was more amazing was the color of his eyes. They were coal black, but in the light, I could see specks of golden butterscotch. They seemed pained and distraught. Something about them made my heart feel weary.

I felt the cool water rushing down my parched throat as I drank, savoring each gulp as if it were my last. The stranger took the glass from me once I've finished. Our fingertips met for an instant. His fingers were ice-cold and for that single second, it felt as if an electric current passed through us. I immediately jerked my hand away. He looked apologetic as he placed the glass back down on the table.

"Am I supposed to know you?" I asked after he sat down on the chair beside my bed. He shook his head.

"Are you one of the doctors?" He hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly.

I sighed; relieved that he wasn't another person I had forgotten. He stared at me intently, motionless as a statue. I felt an emotion I didn't understand. It was very strange… there was something about him… but I couldn't pinpoint it.

"How are you feeling?" his quiet voice broke through my clouded thoughts. It sounded so musical that it made my heart ache.

"Not too great. I hurt everywhere and I'm tired. Above all that, I'm bored," I sighed. I hear the same question more than five times a day.

"I'm sorry all this happened," his voice was strained and distressed.

I looked at him quizzically. "Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault." He was quiet for a moment.

"So how's the memory recovery process coming along?" he asked, changing the subject. "Do you remember anything that happened yesterday?"

"The doctor told me I asked my dad who he was even though he already told me before. I felt really bad about that," I turned to face the window. "So I tried very hard to remember everything, tried hard to remember everyone from that point on. I can recall that my friends visited me yesterday. One of them—Jacob Black—stayed with me for a very long time. He told me about the things we used to do and then he said something about prom…" I trailed off, trying to remember exactly what happened after that.

"What about prom?" the doctor asked carefully, as if he was expecting something.

"A memory resurfaced," I said slowly turning back to face the young doctor. My breath caught in my throat. I hadn't realized how_beautiful_ he was. He nodded, encouraging me to continue.

"A blue dress…" I paused, "I had a broken leg too. I guess I'm just prone to accidents," I laughed humorlessly. He gave me a small smile, but it did not reach his eyes.

"Was there anything else?" he asked, as if he knew I was hiding something. "Anything else at all?"

Maybe it was his hypnotic stare, but I found myself telling him the rest. The parts I had not related to Jacob or my father. "I was in someone's arms," I said shyly, "he whispered things in my ear, things that I didn't understand." I stole a glance at the doctor; he had an inexplicable expression on his face. It seemed like a mixture of surprise, joy and sorrow.

I continued, "I remember him brushing his lips against the corner of my jaw and my neck." I blushed. The doctor was smiling now. "And then right before the memory faded, I heard a voice."

"Whose voice?" he asked inquisitively.

"Mine. Would you like to know what I said?" He nodded.

"Mostly I dream about being with you forever," I mimicked the tone exactly—the subtle ache—almost as if I was reliving the moment.

There was a tortured look on the doctor's face as I finished my quote. I smiled at him sheepishly, "Sorry, I bet you think I'm really cheesy right now."

"No," he choked out, his voice sounded almost shaky. "Not cheesy at all."

"You know what the weird thing is? It felt painful when the memory resurfaced. Almost as if there was something I didn't want to face. The other doctor told me that I should discuss my memories so I could solve whatever internal conflicts I have.

"To be honest, I felt a memory trying to resurface when Jacob mentioned something about a Quileute legend – about the 'cold ones.'" The doctor's eyes widened and his body tensed as I told him.

"Did you remember anything?" he asked cautiously.

"I pushed it away," I said guiltily. "Something inside me told me I didn't want to know… That I didn't want anything to do with it anymore." The words sounded sad as it left my lips.

"I see," he said quietly. He sounded heartbroken. "Well, that's… quite fair. No use in remembering something that shouldn't have existed in the first place." I was confused with that last bit but didn't question him.

We sat there for an immeasurable amount of time. This silence was different from the silence I felt with Jacob. While the silence between Jacob and I was comfortable, this silence was heartwrenching, as if the air that surrounded us was saturated with remorse.

"Twilight again," he murmured, looking distantly out the window. "Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end."

I was suddenly overcome with nostalgia. I swallowed hard, trying to concentrate. And then the words came out unexpectedly, foreign to my own ears, "Some things don't have to end."

The memory was too much for me to handle. My eyelids closed slowly. I remember seeing the rueful look in the doctor's eyes, almost as if he'd heard my response before.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered, his voice quiet and thick with emotion.

My subconscious played the memory over and over again as I slept.

It was in the same setting as my last memory. People dancing… Music playing… Cold, strong arms… Whispering… Kisses and the lightest of touches…

"_Some things don't have to end."_ They were bits and pieces of conversations. It seemed as if the voices came randomly, playing one after another out of sequential order. Only one of them seemed to connect to another.

"_I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"_ It was my voice.

"_Yes, it is enough,"_ he answered. _"Enough for forever."_ And then I felt cold lips against mine.

_Enough for forever.  
Enough for forever.  
Enough for forever…_

The voice sounded strangely familiar, but I couldn't identify it.

I woke up in the middle of the night. There was a small hint of light shining through the window, casting shadows on the white walls, like patches of spilled ink. A crescent moon peeked out from under the clouds, giving off a delicate, light glow.

Enough for forever… If it was enough, where was he now?

Somewhere along the line of slumber, I heard the humming of the lullaby from last night; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.

The velvet voiced repeated itself once more in my head.

_Enough for forever._

I felt a tear roll down my right cheek. Forever was a lie.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Some references in this chapter were from Stephenie Meyer's _Twilight_. Chapter 2, chapter 14 and epilogue. 

So how was this chapter? Is the pace too slow? Boring? I know how I want this fanfic to end, but I'm still trying to fill in the middle. Just making it up as I go right now, haha. Let me know how I'm doing so far. :D


	6. Chapter 5: End

_A huge thank you to those who reviewed! I love you guys :D_

* * *

**Chapter 5: End**

"Sorry I couldn't visit you yesterday," Jacob said apologetically. "Billy wasn't feeling well, so I had to take care of him."

"It's okay Jake. I'm sorry to hear about Billy. How's he doing? Shouldn't you be with him right now?" I felt bad that Jake had to visit me when Billy was ill.

"No, Harry and Sue Clearwater are taking care of him right now." He clasped my left hand and held it between his. "You must've been really bored yesterday."

I smiled at his childish grin.

"Not really," I replied. "A doctor came in and kept me company for awhile. I don't seem to remember what he looked like though."

I didn't hear a lullaby in my dream tonight. And it was with a bit of regret when I realized that I will never hear it again. The last time I heard it was yesterday, after the doctor visited me.

A part of me knew that all of this fit together somehow, that if I examined the pieces closer—tried to piece them together—I would have an answer. But I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to come to a painful realization in the end. So the walls closed it all out.

_xxxxx_

"So the wife asks her husband: 'Honey, on our 20th anniversary what will your present be?' and he says, 'I'll take you to Africa.'"

I stared curiously at Jacob. "I don't get it," I complained, not finding the joke funny at all.

"I didn't finish yet, you impatient girl!" he teased. I rolled my eyes and let him continue.

"And the wife says, 'Aww, that's sweet! What about our 50th anniversary?'" He paused and looked at me. "Do you know what the husband said?" he asked, his eyes twinkling. I just couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm.

"He took her to the North Pole to meet Santa Claus!" I squealed as I clapped my hands together mockingly.

"How did you know?!" Jacob's eyes widened as he bolted up from his chair.

"What? I'm right?" I was baffled. What kind of lame joke was this?

Then he broke into peels of laughter. "Ha ha ha!"

I just sat there staring at him. He sure laughs at the weirdest things.

"Got ya!" he said, pointing his index finger at me, trying to suppress his laughter but failing miserably.

"Stop laughing, Jake! I don't get it. What's so funny?" I huffed, folding my arms across my chest. I've been in the hospital for approximately six weeks now. My arm and a few ribs have completely healed. But I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital yet. Not until_ every_ single bone in my body was intact again.

His laughter slowly came to a halt, but the goofy smile never left his face. "Bella, you're so gullible!" He pulled me into a suffocating hug.

"Owowow. Jake… ribs… hurting… can't… breathe…" He let go of me immediately.

"I'm so sorry Bella! I shouldn't have been so careless," he smacked his hand against his forehead. I took in deep breaths, waiting for the pain to subside.

When I was feeling well enough, I took his hand in mine and gave it a tiny squeeze. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

The room was silent for a few minutes before Jacob reached out with his other hand and brushed a few strands of hair from my face. "You know, you looked so cute when you were mad," he said in that husky voice of his, stroking my cheek gently. I averted my eyes to my two still plastered feet, feeling a hot blush creep up my neck and face. The thousand butterflies in my stomach started to take wing and my heart quivered in excitement. From the corner of my eye, I could see his smile widen.

"Do you wanna hear the rest of it?" he asked casually, sitting back down on the chair. I nodded lightly, too embarrassed to give him eye contact.

"Okay, let me do a recap for you. Your amnesia probably kicked in," he chuckled as I glared at him. He takes my amnesia so lightly these days. But I knew I was doing better. As the memories resurfaced, I started piecing them together. Parts of it were still blurry, but I remembered people's faces and their names now. Jacob knew that I'm almost completely recovered. That's probably why he jokes about it now.

"The husband said he'd take his wife to Africa on their 20th anniversary. And when she asked him what his present would be for their 50th anniversary, he said, 'I'll pick you up from Africa and take you home.'" Jake was literally rolling on the floor laughing. It took me a few seconds before I understood what he said, and after that, I was laughing too. Not because the joke was incredibly funny, but because of how hilarious this laughing maniac looked.

This Jacob Black. He sure was something.

He visited me frequently during my stay/imprisonment at the hospital.

Charlie didn't think it was a good idea for me to return home covered in plaster, even though I was more than half healed. He said that—being my clumsy self—I would somehow trip over my own two feet and break every bone in my body again. I tried giving it a fight, saying how I'd get white hair, grow moldy and die of boredom inside these white walls, but he didn't budge.

Jacob was the one that kept me sane. Whether it was a corny joke or a funny scene he picked out from a movie, he always managed to make me laugh. Being with Jake, I felt so free and relaxed. The memories of the man with the velvet voice no longer resurfaced. The last memory I had of him was during one of the rare sunny days in Forks.

I was admiring the weather, wishing that I could be outside relishing the warmth of the sun. I remember that I didn't like how rainy Forks was, but I did it for Renee. I came here because whenever she stayed with me—away from Phil—she would be unhappy. Maybe I was just a masochist; wanted to bring suffering upon myself – but then again, perhaps I was simply an altruistic soul.

And as I sat there enjoying the sunlight that bathed the room, I could hear him again. His velvet voice calling to me.

I was sitting in a lush, green meadow with the bright sun overhead. There were bright, glittering lights next to me. Every ray that beamed onto this statuesque surface was reflected back ten times as magnificent. I could even see tiny rainbows in the air.

I didn't see him though. I could only hear his voice in the back of my mind.

"_You are the most important thing to me now."_

His soft, agonized voice sent chills up and down my spine. The phrase was uttered with so much affection. I clung onto the memory, trying to play it out for as long as possible.

"_The most important thing to me ever."_

As the scintillation and the warmth of the sun faded—as the memory dulled—I felt the pain. The pain of knowing that there had been someone in my past—someone who loved me as I had loved him—who had pledged to me his eternal love, but was nowhere to be found now. Maybe we broke up long before the accident occurred and moved away. Maybe that was the reason why he didn't come to visit me. But was I such a horrible person that he didn't want to be with me?

Jacob walked into the room then, and he must've noticed the agonized expression on my face. Because the first thing he did was walk over and pull me into his arms. I don't know why but whenever I was in Jacob's arms, I felt warm. Safe.

I'm going to be released from the hospital tomorrow. Everything will be okay again. I'll start my life over again.

Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Bella's finally going to be out of the hospital next chapter! It was hard having Bella do things in the broken state that she was in. The next chapter will most likely be about her relationship with Jacob... and how things will go from there.. I miss Edward. x.x 


	7. Chapter 6: Transition

**  
Chapter 6: Transition**

For the past month that I've been released from the hospital, my mind has been like a piece of paper. At first, it was blank, but after awhile, I could see faint marks; I could see traces of words that were once scrawled onto the paper and then carelessly erased. My memories slowly resurfaced, one after another. And the marks on the paper became more prominent. When I squinted, when I tried harder to see, I could make out the words. But there's only so much one could read from the pencil erasings of a piece of paper. There were always parts that I could not distinguish, parts that were elusive to me. I knew that although most of my memories had been restored and that my life was back to normal again, something was missing. I knew that there was still a part of my past I could not see; a part that was still hidden within the depths of my mind.

I went back to the hospital for weekly checkups, so the doctors could see if my condition was improving. I also had to go to physical therapy three days a week. It was all a tiring process, but Charlie and Jacob were there to keep me in check. Jacob had become a vital part to my life. He was like the air I breathed. It was just so natural to be happy around him, and for me to live, he was necessary. I have become so attached to him that I feel my life would be incomplete if he were to ever disappear.

We have built a strong relationship in the past months. There was one time when he asked me to watch a movie with him. "A friendly date," he had said. But I suppose we both knew that it meant something more.

We were walking out of a movie theater in Port Angeles. He held my hand and we talked about random things. As always, he was telling his corny jokes and I laughed at his joviality. Whether we were friends or more, he held my hand so often that I didn't mind anymore. I was just so used to it. After awhile, we sat down on a bench and stared at the stars.

"Bella, what do you think of me?" he asked. I turned around and came face to face with his warm, hopeful eyes. He was smiling his ubiquitous goofy smile.

"I think you're a weirdo," I joked. He laughed along, not at all bothered.

"I really like you, Bella," he said. Although his tone was serious, he still had on that gorgeous smile. My face grew warm and I could feel my heart doing flips. I had known all along that he had feelings for me, but actually hearing it from him made me feel as if I was the luckiest person on the planet. I looked down at my shoes, too shy to look into his eyes. "I really like you too," I said softly. I must've looked like an idiot.

He placed a finger beneath my chin and brought my face towards him. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I laid eyes on his glowing expression. "You know, I'm really glad to hear that from you," he said softly as he lowered his head towards mine. My eyes fluttered close as Jacob's lips met mine. He applied a soft pressure at first. I responded willingly, lacing my arms around his neck. It slowly turned deeper and more passionate as he tangled his fingers into my hair and held my face closer to his.

Something tugged at my memory. I felt a sense of panic wash over my body as images appeared in my mind. Figures were hurrying about and speaking in cautious tones. Sometimes they spoke so fast that I didn't even understand. And I was in the middle of this. Something about me… something bad was about to happen. But I couldn't remember what. Cold, strong arms lifted me off my feet and then for a brief instant, icy lips were firmly pressed against mine. Then it was over. He set me back down and I could see his golden eyes burning into mine. I swallowed hard as the memory faded, leaving behind those scorching topaz eyes. I've seen those eyes somewhere before.

"Bella? Bella?" A voice sounded from far off in the distance. I blinked hard a few times before I realized that I was sitting on the floor. I looked up to see a worried Jacob staring at me.

"What happened?" I asked, perturbed.

"We were kissing," he paused. "Then you pushed me away and fell onto the floor."

It came back to me. We were kissing and then I had a flashback… cold hard lips against mine. The kiss felt so intense, felt so desperate. I choked back the tears that were threatening to spill over. The pain came back.

Warm arms wrapped themselves around me. I pushed them away quickly, afraid that it might trigger another painful memory. But when I realized who I had pushed away, I quickly looked at Jacob, shocked at my own action. He looked shocked as well, and I could detect a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"You had another memory about him," he said, and it wasn't a question. I nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry Jake. Maybe it's not a good idea . . . for us to be together," I choked out. As much as this was hurting me right now, the pain was nothing compared to the pain of the memory. It was such an empty feeling. I was cold all over and my entire being felt…broken. It was as if someone ripped my heart out and then kicked it across the floor. I don't know why memories of those cold arms and cold lips affected me so much. That velvet voice always hypnotized me. Whenever the memories resurfaced, I would want to revel in them for as long as possible. But when they ended, I would regret letting the memories back… because all I ever received in the end was searing pain.

"I know it hurts when you remember him," Jacob started calmly. "I've seen the way you take deep breaths to calm yourself and the way you hold yourself, as if you're trying to keep yourself from breaking.

"But I'm willing to be annoyingly persistent. I want to help you through this, Bella." His eyes were filled with love and encouragement. "You just have to learn to let me."

"You shouldn't wait on me, Jake," I said softly. I felt bad that things had to be this way. "I don't know how long it'll take for me to fully come to terms with my past. Everything's in bits and pieces right now, and it wouldn't be fair for you to waste your time on someone like me." Tears welled up in my eyes as I finished my confession. I wanted Jacob to be by my side, but what had happened earlier… the incident with the kiss… it just showed how things wouldn't turn out well. How many times will I push Jacob away because something he did triggered a painful memory?

"It's what I want to do," he smiled. "As long as you still like to be with me."

"I can't imagine how I could _not_ like being with you," I told him honestly.

His hand slowly made its way to mine, careful as to not catch me off guard. He gave my hand a squeeze and smiled again. "We'll help you get through this together," he said encouragingly as he planted a light kiss on my hand. "Don't worry, Bella. I'm never going to leave your side. I'll protect you."

And I believed him. I relied on him. He was my shield against the pain. What I hadn't expected was that while he healed the current hole in my heart, he had created a new one that would eventually rip me apart again.

* * *

_  
Author's Note: Sorry, I couldn't keep my one chapter per week promise. I started another fanfic called In Another Lifetime, and as I lost motivation for that one, I lost motivation in writing altogether. It was hard picking up this story again! I apologize to those who have waited! This chapter was a bit short... it was all I could manage. Hopefully I could find some motivation & write the next chapter soon.  
__  
The conversation between Bella and Jacob was based on the one they had in New Moon. I used parts of the conversation as well. Such as:  
"It's what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me."  
"I can't imagine how I could __not like being with you," I told him honestly.  
Credits go to Stephenie Meyer.  
_


	8. Chapter 7: Confrontation

**Chapter 7: Confrontation**

I haven't seen Jacob for almost a week now

I haven't seen Jacob for almost a week now. I tried calling him, but Billy always answered the phone and said that Jake was not feeling well. Other times, he would not pick up the phone at all. What was going on? Was Jacob really that sick? I was very worried. I wanted to go down to La Push and see Jake, but Billy insisted that I stayed home. It was as if he didn't want me over there.

"_Don't worry, Bella. I'm never going to leave your side. I'll protect you."_

I made my way down to La Push with that thought in mind. Jacob is sick right now and he needs me to take care of him. I don't care what Billy will say.

But maybe he had a good reason for wanting me to stay away. Because as I neared the house, I saw Jacob with another girl. She had shoulder length black hair and she was a head shorter than Jacob. _She's probably just a friend,_ I told myself as my stomach twisted in knots. _Jacob's so sincere. He wouldn't cheat on me._

My truck slowed down as I watched the two. They were facing each other now and Jacob brushed a lock of hair from her eyes as he gazed at her. She lowered her head timidly, but he brought it back up with his right hand. Hot tears welled up in my eyes as I witnessed this. I didn't want to watch, but somehow, I couldn't bring myself to drive away. And then he leaned in and kissed her on the lips, completely shattering my hopeful notion that they were only friends. It was over. Everything was over.

I stepped hard on the gas pedal and sped by his house, never looking back.

The Jacob Black I thought I knew was dead. The promise he once made . . . broken.

……

I spent the following week with my mother in Florida. I didn't want to stay in Forks and bump into Jacob. I didn't want to hear an explanation from him. What more was there to say? Charlie understood when I told him the situation. He must've told Renee about what happened too, because she didn't mention anything about Jacob or ask about my love life. Renee planned many "fun" activities to keep my mind occupied.

I still cried whenever I was alone, but the pain was less intense now, less raw. I was slowly recuperating.

But, everything seemed to happen in a blur, like my life hasn't really begun. Almost as if it was waiting for something to happen.

It was raining outside, so all activities with Renee were cancelled. She's currently in her room napping. Life felt empty now. Everything was so monotonous. I drifted off into an uneasy sleep as the radio played a song that was unfamiliar to me. It had a nice melody. It also made me feel nostalgic.

_When will you come home?__  
When will you be mine?__  
I have waited so long just to see you smile.  
__So tell me: Why do all these feelings in me call out for your name?  
Why do all these dreams within me always end the same?_

……

In my dream, a cold hand led me to a house. For some reason, I didn't want to be there. I felt dread wash over me as each step took me closer to the door.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" a loud chorus greeted me as I walked through the door. I remember blushing. There were six other people excluding my companion and I. It was a whole big family. But who were they?

They gave me presents. I didn't like presents. I didn't like surprises. Maybe that was the reason why I dreaded the trip here.

This family . . . they all looked so _perfect_. They were all so beautiful.

I remember something slicing my finger. A paper cut. And then all of a sudden I was falling backwards. My arm landed in a pile of crystal glass and then blood was everywhere. I felt shock and pain altogether. I looked up from the pool of blood and met the fevered eyes of six ravenous . . . _vampires_.

I jumped up, my breathing erratic and my heart thumping as if it will burst. My forehead was coated with a layer of sweat. I took in deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I was still in Renee's house. It was just a dream. Vampires aren't real.

Getting out of bed, I walked over to the radio and turned it off. "That was one weird nightmare," I said out loud.

I swallowed hard and peered out the window. It was still raining. A nervous feeling was nagging at me. Was that really a dream? It could have been a memory . . .

I shook my head, trying to rid my head of such thoughts. For some reason, I was suddenly afraid. Maybe the missing part of my past wasn't exactly as I thought it had been.

I grabbed my jacket and rushed out the door. I can't stand being inside any longer. I needed some fresh air to clear my mind. Drops of rain splattered on my face as I walked down to the beach. It felt oddly refreshing. I stood there in the rain, watching the violent waves crashing against the shore. I replayed the dream over in my head. I don't know _how_ I knew they were vampires. I just _knew._ In dreams, you don't know why things happen or who people are . . . but you just have this strong idea of what's going on. I grunted at my pathetic attempt at explaining myself. Am I doing this because I'm scared it wasn't a dream? That it could be a potential memory? I was getting more confused with each passing second.

I eyed the cliffs not far from the beach. Renee had taken me cliff diving earlier this week. The excitement I felt when I plunged down into the water was indescribable. In that moment, I forgot about all my troubles and I felt my blood beating in my veins. The action was so rash and unreasonable, so unlike me, so different that it actually felt _good._

Before I knew it, I was on top of the cliff. I walked to the edge and looked down at the roaring waves. I wanted to quench my thirst. I needed to feel the thrill of falling that would feel like flying. The wind blew harder now, whipping the rain onto my face. I leaned forward and with a great amount of force, I flung myself off the cliff.

I screamed as I did the first time when I dropped through the air. I felt the blood drumming in my veins as my heart accelerated. All was forgotten when I sliced through the surface of the icy water. Nothing frightened me now. No dreams. No memories. Nothing.

I smiled to myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing water. This exhilaration was simply _indescribable._

But as I tried to make my way to the surface, the waves clawed at me, trying to pull me deeper. Now, I was panicking. I hadn't thought about the danger of jumping into the water beforehand. I only wanted to forget about everything, to feel the adrenaline rushing through my body. I only realized now what a reckless decision it had been. Cliff diving during a rainstorm – not very bright.

The waves jerked me back and forth, as if they were going to rip me in half. I had no way of escaping. I was running out of oxygen and water beat at me from different directions. A huge wave came by and knocked at my back with great force. I choked and water poured down my throat. I tried to keep my mouth closed, but the salt water burned my throat and it was very irritating. So naturally, I coughed . . . and I choked down more water. Drowning was such a painful way to die. I tried reaching for the surface again but I couldn't make it. The current was too strong.

It was useless. Maybe this is where it all ends. I'll never have to find out if it was just a dream or not. I would never have to hear about Jacob and his new girlfriend. I felt my limbs go limp as my hope slowly faded.

Then I heard an angry voice. "Keep swimming!"

I looked around, but the water was black in every direction. There was nothing but darkness. There was no place to swim to.

So where was this voice coming from?

"Don't you dare give up!" Something clicked in my brain. This voice. It was the voice from my memories. The same voice that had been haunting me ever since I woke up in the hospital. I shivered as I thought about the pain that would follow his voice. I was in enough pain as of now, I did not need anymore.

"Fight!" he yelled. "Damn it, Bella, keep fighting."

Although my arms and legs felt numb, I listened. I forced my arms to continue reaching, my legs to keep kicking. But I was facing a different direction every second. What was the point in trying?

I was waiting for my life to flash before my eyes. Like people say, your life flashes before your very eyes when you're about to die!

And then it happened. I saw him. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostrils flared with rage.

I could see us dancing at prom. I had a broken leg. I remembered that it was because of James. He almost killed me that night. But I was rescued.

I remembered us spending time together in the meadow. I remembered the way he held his face against my heart and listened to its beating. I remembered how I traced every inch of his face and the tingling sensation it left on my fingertips. I remembered the way he kissed me, tentative and with the utmost care – afraid that he would hurt me. And I remembered how I reacted. I literally attacked the man.

I remembered our dinner in Port Angeles. I remembered the way he used to sneak into my room when Charlie was asleep. Every single detail about him, I remembered now.

All those memories came back to me in a flash. My last birthday at his house with his family. I got a paper cut and Jasper tried to attack me. Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle. All those names. They came back to me. Vampires. They were vampires. It wasn't a dream.

He left me after that incident. He said he didn't love me anymore. And then he was gone. I crashed. I woke up in the hospital.

Now here I am drowning. Maybe my mind opened up because it knew I wasn't going to make it. Yeah, maybe that's why I was allowed to remember him . . . because I was really going to die.

I was beginning to feel lightheaded. My vision blurred and my eyes painfully closed. It wasn't so bad. Everything was beginning to fade away. Being able to remember him, to remember my soul mate, it was worth dying for. One last memory played in my mind.

I was sitting in a classroom and I heard the chair next to me move. "Hello," sounded a musical voice. I turned around and saw him. His hair was disheveled and dripping wet. His dazzling face was open and friendly. A smile played on his flawless lips. "My name is Edward Cullen."

And then I was falling deeper into darkness. Somewhere in-between the lines of eternal sleep and semi-consciousness, I felt something cold slamming against me, like an iron bar, knocking whatever breath I had left out of my lungs. The water rushed down my throat, choking and burning. Had I reached the ocean floor already?

At that moment, my head broke the surface. How disorienting. I'd been sure I was sinking.

Water gushed out of my lungs in amazing volume as something beat against my chest. My lungs burned and my throat was too full of water to catch a breath.

"Breathe!" an anxious voice ordered. As I coughed up more water, black spots bloomed across my vision, getting wider and wider, blocking out the light. I was cold. Everything seemed so cold . . . Was I dying now?

The sound of the crashing waves faded and the contents of my head swished and rolled sickeningly.

"Breathe, Bella!" This time, I obeyed. Each breath burned—the passageways were as raw as if I'd scrubbed them out with steel wool. I realized that I was still. There was no tug of the current on me.

I tried to open my eyes. It took me a minute, but then I could see the dark, purple clouds, flinging the freezing rain down on me. Then my eyes focused on the person in front of me. His face blocked out the sky and his hair was disheveled and dripping wet. Just like in my memory. Edward.

"Can you hear me, Bella? Do you hurt anywhere?" His topaz eyes were anxious and wet from the rain. My heart started racing. Was he really my Edward? Was he really here in front of me?

"J-just m-my throat," I stuttered, amazed that I could find my voice at all.

I fell asleep shortly after he lifted me into his cold arms.

……

I felt something cold brush my cheek. I opened my heavy eyelids and blinked, trying to focus on my surroundings. I was in a bed and Edward was sitting in a chair very close to me. He quickly took his hand away from my face as he noticed that I had woken up.

I tried sitting up and he helped me. His cold fingers brushed against my shoulders and arms, sending chills up and down my spine.

"Here, drink some water," he suggested as he handed me the glass. I obeyed quietly. It felt strange drinking water when not too long ago, I was drowning in it. Maybe I should've tried drinking the water in the ocean earlier. Maybe when I drank enough, I would finally reach the surface.

I handed the glass back to him and our fingertips touched. And then it hit me. The doctor that talked to me in the hospital. It was him. It was Edward. Why was he there? I thought he left? And why hadn't he shown up after that day?

I watched him carefully as he sat there, still as a statue.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Am I dead?" It was not an answer, but it was the only thing I had in mind. I remembered Edward saying he didn't love me anymore. I remembered him saying how it will be as if he'd never existed. So the Edward that was sitting before me now could not be real. I was dead. I had drowned. Or perhaps I died before that. I died when my car crashed. All the events that took place after that were only figments of my imagination . . . and now I was in some sort of heaven. That's the only rational place Edward could be, because in reality, Edward had left me.

"No, of course you're not dead!" His jaws tightened and his eyes grew wide.

"Then why are you here?" He didn't respond. "Who are you?" I tested him. My heart was beating faster now.

"I'm your doctor," he lied. I felt tears prick at my eyes as the words left his perfect lips. He wasn't my doctor.

"What's your name?" I continued. Why was he doing this? Why was he lying to me?

After much contemplating, he replied. "My name is Anthony."

The tears that had previously blurred my vision were now freely streaming down my face.

"Bella? Are you alright? Are you hurting anywhere?" His face was anxious, his brows pulled together in concern. When I did not answer, he held my shoulders and gently shook me. "Talk to me, Bella. What's wrong?"

I looked up at him through tear filled eyes.

"Edward," I choked out. "Why are you doing this? Why are you lying to me?"

Shock was apparent on his features. The room fell quiet as we stared at each other. Edward was the same as I had remembered him. His overly pale face, his gorgeous lips, and his perfect jaw – everything about him was still as beautiful as ever.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered as he brushed my tears away. "I thought . . . I didn't think your memory was recovered."

His face grew weary, apologetic. "I thought things would turn out for the better if I left you. That you would be able to move on. I'd left Forks right after I told you goodbye and I was already in another state by the time Alice had the vision of your car accident. I felt so torn at that moment. I rushed back as fast as I could; hoping with my whole being that you'd be alright."

Edward held my hands between his and brought them to his lips. He kissed the back of my hands and then each individual finger lovingly. I pulled away, afraid of letting myself believe that he was really here. Afraid that when I wake up from this dream, I'd have to deal with the empty feeling of losing my one true love. It would be different from when I had amnesia. Back then, I didn't know what I had lost, but now, once I wake up, I will.

"By the time I got back, I found out you had been hurt badly and you had many different forms of amnesia. I had to talk to you. To know that you're going to be okay. So that one day, I went into your room and pretended to be a doctor. You didn't remember me at all. And you said there was a part of your past that you wanted nothing to do with anymore." He looked at me with glassy eyes. "I guess I deserved that," he laughed once, a hard laugh.

"The fact that you did not remember me . . . it brought me great turmoil and yet, another part of me knew what I had originally planned for you would work out better this way. Your mind had shielded you from a monster like me; it knew that my existence was irrational. _She would be able to start a whole new life,_ I had told myself. You didn't have to go through the healing process. You didn't need to _try_ to forget me. You have already forgotten. It would be easier for you this way."

I felt my heart shred into tiny pieces as I heard the melancholic tone of voice. I didn't know what to think. Was I supposed to believe him?

"So after that day, I left. I told myself that I would not bother you anymore. That I would stay away and let you live your life . . . the life you should've led if you'd never met me.

"But then Alice had a vision of you jumping off a cliff. I rushed here as fast as I could, hoping that I wasn't too late. Bella, why can't you at least _try_ to stay out of trouble? I thought I'd lost you again." He pulled me into a tight embrace. I cried against his chest, staining his shirt with my salty tears.

A few months ago, it seemed as if my life was happening in monthly intervals. It seemed choppy. Everything seemed monotonous, even when I was with Jacob. I had been content, but I wasn't exactly happy. Things didn't seem right — it was as if my life was frozen, as if it was waiting for something big to happen. And this moment was it. The moment I saw Edward again, my life was set into motion again. Everything seemed to jump into action at that moment. The world was full of life and color again.

But it still did not soothe the fissure in my heart. He'd been gone for over half a year and now it's almost as if he expects things to fall back into place. I loved him. I truly do. But was this real? And if it was, how can I be sure he won't leave me again? My heart wouldn't be able to take it if he left me again . . .

When he left, he said he did not love me anymore. So why was he here now? It didn't make sense.

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_This chapter was longer than the rest! Happy? :D Sorry if there were grammatical errors... I'm not very good with writing in the same tense and all. I never know when to use present or past tense. I only edited this once, so it might've been a bit choppy. Forgive me! I wanted to get this out to you guys today.  
_

_**Switz for Kaleigh, xJAYx:** I hope some of your questions were answered in this chapter! More will be revealed in later on in the story! :  
**NYgirl1991:** hahaha innocent lives will be in danger? I loved your funny review  
**Juliang: **Thanks for continuously asking about the status of this chapter and scaring me with thunder if I didn't write LOL  
**XxLuvAtFirstBitexX:** Thank you so much for your support! You've been a constant reviewer! Cookie for you! xD  
**bookwormkrissy, missjakeblack, MellaIsi, amobutterfly25, Pixie-dancer, xXxElianexXx, halfadash, dorkiegrl2, rumoredreader, vanilfrappe:** This Edward chapter was for you!! :D Thank you for your reviews!_

_I felt bad for taking so long to update, so I thought I'd thank each of you reviewers individually. Haha. Thank you for being patient with me & my writer's block! I can't promise a set date for the next chapter, but I will try harder! I'm not sure what to do with Bella and Edward though. Should Bella trust Edward again RIGHT AWAY? or should she go through some thinking and have Edward wait awhile, prove his love, blah blah? And what about Jacob..? The rest of the Cullen family? **Suggestions would be very much appreciated! You will get a cookie and M&Ms if you submit an idea. :D**_

_I used many quotes from New Moon to describe the drowning scene. Too many to copy & paste here. So if you think it's a quote from New Moon, it probably is! Credits go to Stephenie Meyer. Don't sue me. :D_


	9. Chapter 8: Edward Cullen

**  
Chapter 8: Edward Cullen**

When I left her, I thought it was for the best. I was putting her in danger every minute. First it was James, and then Jasper, my very own brother. Even though my family and I were supposedly the "good" vampires, we had wanted her blood. I couldn't cope with the fact that I could be next.

What if _I _were to attack her?

I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Not even if I lived a hundred thousand years.

"You… don't… want me?" She asked tentatively.

"No." It was a lie; the blackest kind of blasphemy.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

It pained me to see the look of comprehension on her face when I told her she was not good for me.

"If… that's what you want," she replied dully.

It was cruel how quickly she believed me. How easily she thought that I could never—would never—want her as much as she wanted me. How she shrank away from me, her face crumpling, as if I had torn her soul away from her. I could see the pain that her whole body succumbed to.

I turned away, not able to endure the pain I caused her.

But I was hurt, too.

It hurt, as if someone repeatedly slashed at my unbeating heart with a rusty knife. The pain felt slow and jagged. It lingered on and made my whole body weak.

Although this was what I had hoped to happen, it was painful to actually see that _my _Bella, the one I had given my heart to, was giving up. After all those times I've told her I love her, and after all those times I've told her there was no other, how could she so easily let one word break her faith in me? How could she doubt me?

I wanted to give her the life I couldn't give her, the life she would've had if she had never met me, but a part of me didn't want to leave. I wanted to be selfish and have her all to myself. I wanted to be the last one she sees before she goes to sleep and the first when she wakes. It was a tough battle, but the rational part of me won over.

I wanted to protect her, but I would never be able to fulfill that task if I was with her. I saw what I was doing to her, constantly putting her life at risk simply by being with her, and taking her away from the world she belonged in.

In truth, _I_ was not good for her. And her world… it had no place for me.

I held her close, savoring the moment. Because this was the last time I'd be able to touch her, to be with her. Pressing my lips to her forehead, I said my final goodbye.

"Take care of yourself."

And I jumped up into one of the trees, far enough so she wouldn't be able to see me.

With shaky legs, she ran towards my direction, stumbling once. She ran past my tree without noticing, pushing the branches that were in her way. I heard the racing of her heart as she took off deeper into the forest. Her foot caught on one of the roots and she fell.

I wanted to go to her. To lift her up and hold her in my arms. I wanted to brush away those tears that she bravely kept from me earlier.

I wanted so desperately to get on my knees and beg for her to take me back. To apologize to her over and over until she forgave me. Maybe then, this whole nightmare would end.

But I couldn't bring my limbs to function. I wanted to go to her, but I also didn't.

I swallowed hard and clenched my jaw. If this was the best for her, I would have to bear with it. Eventually, she would forget. After a while, the pain would subside. She was only human—time heals all wounds for her kind.

And so with one last glance at my Bella, I ran out of the forest.

I had to do what was best for her.

--

Trees and lights passed by me in a flash. I didn't know where I was driving to. Just knew I had to leave.

I felt cold and empty. As if I had lost my will to live – no, to exist. I couldn't bring myself to exist as I had the centuries before I met Bella.

What _had_ I been doing all those years?

Existing without Bella. I didn't know if I was capable of such a thing.

Then I felt something vibrating in my pocket. I pulled the phone out and put it to my ear.

"Bella got into a car accident! I don't know what'll happen to her. Her future's blurry right now. You have to go to her!"

I dropped the phone and made a quick U-turn, stepping on the gas pedal as hard as I could.

"Edward? Edward!" I heard Alice call from the other line.

I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone right now. Bella was in danger. I had to go back.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter, wishing my car would go faster. This was my fault. All my fault. If only I hadn't left her in that forest by herself!

If anything happened to Bella, I wouldn't forgive myself.

_God, please don't take Bella away from me. She has so much to live for._

I wasn't sure if God existed, but I found myself praying for Bella's safety. Because that was all I could do.

--

It was nighttime by the time I arrived at the hospital. She was here, I could smell her scent. I was a bit relieved, but it still didn't take the guilt away from me.

I ran towards her room and hid in a tree so I could watch her. She was lying on a bed with all types of wires attached to her body. She was also wrapped up in plaster. She must be in a great deal of pain right now.

A pang of guilt shot through me. She was in this state because of me. I was the one who brought her to that forest. I shouldn't have taken her so far from home!

I gave the trunk a punch and tree quivered. If only I had stayed longer… made sure that she returned home safely…

The last time she was in the hospital was because of me, too. Because I hadn't arrived sooner… because I was unable to protect her from James. I'd put Bella's life in danger time and time again. Even though I parted ways with her, she still ended up on a hospital bed. If only I could go back in time… to have never come back from Alaska after I met her. Her life would've been better off then.

I knew it was pathetic to sulk in that ideal, but I couldn't deal with the guilt. I couldn't bear with the pain that I've caused her. What more damage could I cause to the girl that I love?

I perched in the tree, just watching her sleep, listening to the beeping of the monitor as well as her heart.

How I wished to hold her, to touch her warm cheeks. But I couldn't allow myself that proximity. I promised her that I would disappear, that it'd be as if I'd never existed. The last thing I could do for her was to hold true to that promise.

At some point, the doctor came in with Charlie. I felt the sharp stabs of pain as the doctor explained her situation. All her broken bones… all the pain she's going through… all because of me.

What I hadn't expected was her amnesia. My wish earlier… if only we'd never met. If she had amnesia, did that mean she wouldn't remember me?

This incident had turned out for the better. If she didn't remember me, she'd be able to live her life normally. No vampires threatening her life every single minute. She wouldn't need to go through the pain she went through in the forest. The pain which I saw tearing her apart.

She would find love, grow old, and be able to have a family.

A life she couldn't have with me.

I continued watching as the doctor and Charlie discussed the matter. My Bella. Finally able to move on. After she recovers from the accident, she would be able to live her life anew.

A normal life…

But I couldn't bring myself to be fully happy for her. Was the love that we shared that easily buried? If she had really loved me the way I loved her… surely she wouldn't be able to forget me so easily?

I shook my head, trying to clear myself of such thoughts.

_This is what you wanted from the beginning, Edward. It's what's best for her._

I listened to my conscience and sat still, simply watching her.

_What's best for her. Nothing else matters._

I could hear Charlie's thoughts. _I knew that Cullen kid was no good for her. I should've prevented him from seeing her. If it weren't for him, Bella wouldn't be in this mess now! Next time I see him, I'm gonna teach him a lesson._

Too bad he wouldn't ever see me again.

I couldn't help but feel rueful. Charlie was dead-on in his accusations. It indeed _was _my fault. I wished I could apologize to him. For ever hurting his daughter. For ever making him worry.

As Bella awoke later that day, a psychologist was sent to do a few tests on her to check the extent of her brain injury. Bella did not know who Charlie was and she thought she still lived in Arizona with her mother. Her amnesia was evident.

"Does the name Edward Cullen sound familiar?"

If my heart could still beat, it would've sped up as Bella's heart had. She squeezed her eyes tight, as if she was in pain. Did her reaction explain anything? Did she remember?

I felt frustrated more than ever that I could not read her mind.

I found myself clutching the tree trunk, anxiously waiting for the answer.

After a few minutes, she replied. "No, that name doesn't sound familiar."

And I could feel the phantom racing of my unbeating heart stop once again.

Had I expected a different answer?

* * *

_  
Author's note: Errr... hello? Sorry, I haven't updated in who knows how long.. It was because of **Vanessa L.**'s review in my new fanfic The World I Know, that I found out she was still waiting for an update on this story. After so long, I didn't think anyone would still be interested, but she proved me wrong! And I was so touched, so I tried to get this chapter out as soon as possible. Thanks for the motivation, Nessa!_

_That's all for this chapter. Let me know if you liked Edward's point of view. There's more to come ...Hopefully, hahaha._


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